.................

yours

2007-07-18T09:59:19Z

I keep having this reoccurring dream that we meet at a bar. We touch shoulders and knock barstools and laugh while we point and spill our drinks, and we show each other that we've both changed. The lights are blinking around us, as if they have their own eyes. There are no clocks to be seen for hours. I ask the bartender what time it is, and he looks at me with a smile and says, "You have all the time in the world my dear." I tell Joe as I always have that it is best he put the whisky in alphabetical order, in order to indulge his best customer. For once, we never for one second look lonely. You are laughing at my jokes and I am telling you to drink more, and soon all you can do is laugh and all I can do is drink; backwards, like we've always known best.

I started thinking about what I had did that day; about the Asian man I saw photographing his family like they were a famous tourist attraction; the flour I had measured for the cake I made my mother that in truth came out terribly wrong. I thought about how many times I looked in the mirror that day; I almost wanted to cry, it was so much. I started listening to the heels hitting the floor, and all at once I was convinced that he looked lovely enough to hold my hand.

Something started to pull me and it wasn't you. I wanted it to be you. I wanted you to take me home that night. The bar never looked so black, and Joe disappeared and so did my alphabet, and the room went motionless and the lights had lost their eyes. I reached out my hand, and I thought you were going to grab it, but you just waved. All you did was wave. You waved goodbye.

I found another man to walk me home that night, and I told him my story. I told 13 blocks worth of my life with you. He carried my heels like a gentlemen and let me hold on to his belt. He even let me cry. He never did say one word until he got to the steps of my apartment. He looked up at me and said, "Emily…maybe you should keep dreaming."

But I never do. I'm awake.

captureataxi @ 2007-07-08T14:16:00

2007-07-08T21:18:23Z

Last night was pretty much amazing. "Cold Hard Bitch."

captureataxi @ 2007-04-18T23:21:00

2007-04-19T06:21:58Z

Everything I’ve written, I’ve erased.
I can liberate my fingers till they bleed.

And so it knows nothing of me. There are no titles or entries. There are no dates or thoughtful fonts with pasty colors or attentive notes stuck to margins. There are no doodles or tears, or pencil shavings, or highlights of importance.

But each night, it stares at me and I stare at it, and we work things out; together.

I will erase this.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-03-08T07:42:06Z

MY LIFE IS CHILL! I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT.

i love love love my life.

4 days!

2007-03-08T05:04:25Z

I'll be in lovely california in 4 days! I am so excited to get to hang out with Tea and Katie k. Especially Tea because I never get to see her anymore.

I have been working very hard lately, am I feel great. It will be a month and 1 week on friday that I haven't had any soda or coffee. I never thought I'd be able to do it, especially becaeuse coffee played an everyday role in my life, but I am so proud of myself.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I really want out of this education. And the turth is, I have no idea. I think I'm going to end up relying on something other than my degree though. More like time and place, and people i know, that sort of stuff. I actually have taken in to consideration all the money I make, and it is a lot. Well for me anyway. Normally I am always broke because I pay for everything on my own, not to mention I work my butt off. But wow, I truely feel like I have a ton of money and all my savings are going well, not to mention that im paying for all of my 8,000 dollar car. It just feels so great to be so independent. I have always been that way though. I might even save enough to go back to England this summer.

I am finally ready for a relationship. Ohhhhhh finally :)

blah blah blah emily

2007-02-19T21:10:32Z

Can I ever have enough on my mind? The Answer is no.

I think I finally get my new car next wednesday, so I'm very happy for that day to come. Everything is going well with my new job. My first three days i've made about $100 in tips. I am pretty worried about some of my classes. I just don't have any motivation anymore. By the time senior year of hs hit, i was done with everything. I was done learning and done with all this bullshit, and I think I brought that attitude to ASU. It's just so hard to stay focused, but I just have to remember that those 4 years are going to fly.

I think I'm going to start playing tennis again. I really need a tan haha, and to lose all the weight I've gainged. And I know I'm not fat and I shouldnt complain, but when I have noticed a change in my weight then I own it to myself to get back on track and start excersising again. I've already stopped drinking soda, which is awesome! I think that's what has most comtributed to it. Now I just need to find the time between school and work to find a place to play tennis at and go consistantly.

A good friend of mine that went to my highschool died on Friday. I have to admit it was sad, but he killed himself by drinking and driving and not wearing his seatlbelt. He was a good kid though. He said something to me once that completely changed my outlook on him and I've never forgotten it. So, rest in peace Jake Liber. You are sure to be missed by many.

Now jumping to my love life. I guess I've just sort of been letting everything work out for the best. Nothing ever happens the way I want it to. I keep meeting all these people and they keep asking me out, but all of them are just the same. I havent met anyone yet that I love. Not that kind of love, but the admiring kind of love. It seems like people always settle. I would rather spend the rest of my life by my self then wake up to someone everyday who doesnt get me. But like I said, I'm just letting things work themselves out :).

I can't wait for spring training games! Who want's to go?! Baseball IS America's game.

Limbeck is coming, JET is coming, Joshua Radin tonight, Dear and the Headlights is coming with Lovedrug...I am so excited for all of these. I can't remember the last time I attended a show and actually enjoyed the music that was going to be playing. I'm so tired of attening "friend's concerts." YOU SUCK! That's what I want to say to all of them.

I have a chem lab soon :). And that is a short update on my life...

hmmm

2007-01-29T16:53:24Z

Ive been thinking... Maybe I should be more involved in my church again.
Like back in the day yo.

It's probably a stupid idea.

Ya.

where to start

2006-12-30T04:52:41Z

Yes, where DO I start? I havent been on here in a very long time. Christmas has come and passed, and so has my birthday, by way of yesterday :). I am 19. Pretty cool I guess.
I got a wonderful new camera. I am so excited to start using it.
There is so much stuff going on this semester. I really need to study a bit harder if i want to make A's and B's. Average is just not acceptable.
I'm moving out in May, getting an appartment, and I may spend this summer either doing an internship or living in Alaska or Seattle.
All in good time.
I have accordingly decided to finally settle with human communications as my major and public relations as my minor.

I'm at a very weird point in my life...relationship wise that is.
I really dont feel like writing about it now. There's just so much to think about and too much to say. I wouldnt even know where to start.

I hope you all had a wonderful Chirstmas, and have a happy new year. :)

what a day

2006-11-08T06:31:23Z

At 10:19 pm, Katrina called me up to tell me about a Southpark episode she had watched and how she thought it was the funniest one she had ever seen, and it reminded her of me.
It pretty much made my day.
I love my friends.
I love talking about southpark and making fun of people and acting like men (which i swear is what we really are) and laughing our asses off.
I dont need to talk about "boysss." I dont need to talk about "make-up" or "hook-ups" or go in to detail about "all the cute boys that I saw today."
We are what we are, and I love every moment of being with them. If only they knew how happy they make me. Of course I could never tell them, because, well thats just gay. Gay Girly shit. ;)

Anyway, I have never been more excited for sleep in my life. I'm only running on 3 hours of it and some coffee and a stick of gum.

I voted today. I loved it. I always wanted an "I voted today" sticker. I remember when I was young I would see my mom wearing one and I wanted to be just like her, so therefore, I wanted one too. I remember thinking that all the grown-ups had one and they were so "cool." And finally, I got to have my own. (James laughed at me, but i thought my story was legit. hmph)

Enough. Im falling asleep.
What a wonderful evening...

livejournal?

2006-07-08T07:00:40Z

So I finally made a livejournal.
I don't know how i got convinced into doing this, or who did the convincing.
But here it is:

Expect a lot :]